Saturday, March 31, 2007
Green Tie and Purple Socks!
Back in the Stone Age, when I was taking a programming class, my instructor handed out a 2-page dialog on how to compute overtime. It started out, “If an employee comes to work wearing a green tie and purple socks, parts his hair on the right side, and the barometric pressure is 29.05 and rising, and it’s the 3rd Thursday of the 11th month, and . . . . .” This went on for almost 2 full pages. The last sentence went on, “This employee will receive double time, UNLESS . . . .”
While amusing, this dialog does point out the difficulty in computing an employee’s earnings. Over the years, with the influence of government mandates, union negotiations, and well meaning but misguided Human Resource Directors, payroll systems have become very convoluted.
What have the financial software providers done to alleviate the problem? Nothing! They let payroll departments do the difficult record keeping and computations by hand. Of all the general accounting packages, payroll has to be the most difficult system to design. That’s why most of today’s payroll packages fall short mark. It takes a lot of effort, talent, and experience to design a payroll system, something most software houses lack!
Example: How do you handle multiple payroll attachments? Let’s say Crowdad Dwarski has been less than an ideal father; i.e., he’s a dead-beat dad with a couple of children, a tax lien from the Feds, and another from the State for back taxes. Which lien takes precedence? How much goes to each lien holder? How much is left for Crowdad to live on?
Another Example: A union contract that states if an employee shows up for work on time for an entire month (wow, what a concept!) he gets a bonus of $.05 for every hour that he worked to be included on his 1st payroll check in the following month. Additionally, if he’s not tardy for an entire quarter, he receives an additional $1.00 for each day he worked to be paid in a separate check the first Friday following the end of the quarter. On top of that, if he makes it through the entire year without being late he receives $100.00 or .005% of his normal annual earnings, which ever is greater to be paid on the first Friday on January of the following year.
Can you believe this? These are not unusual situations. They’re everyday challenges for payroll departments. You just can’t make this stuff up. It takes the confused mind of a government official or some union lackey to dream up this kind of B%& S^*& !
Name me one payroll application that can solve these problems!